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Friday, December 30, 2011

More jewelry

More jewelry I made for Ofelia, sold some there. I was going to say that they are cameos, but are they? They are... Yes, no... yes, no, dust? (<- If you don't watch Little Britain, that won't be funny to you xD ). Well here they are, cameo pendants.


Lisää koruja mitä tein Ofeliaan. Sanoisin että nää on cameo koruja, mutta sitten aloin epäilee, voiko näitä kutsua cameoiksi?? juu... ei... eijuu.... äääh, wooot evaah! Tässä nyt kuiteski :D

Yes, this is Iiraliina, and YES, I have her permission to make these :3 The first one is my favorite! 
I try to pick old pictures that copyrights don't apply anymore. I love these. The first and last are my favorites.


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Jewelry update

Here's a little update post on what I've been working on :3 I did these just before Ofelia Market and sold some of them.

I've been for a while now been wanting to try out making a mustache! I finally got around to it, yay! :D
Took a while cos I wanted to make them detailed. I'm fairly satisfied with them, but after seeing some (small ones) on a girls neck that were smooth, I started to have some doubts :/ I mean, I love my idea about the mustache and beard together, but I think I need to work on the execution... This was my first try after all.

Tässä hieman päivitystä, että mitä mulla on ollut työn alla. :3 Tein nämä ennen Ofeliaa ja möin osan siellä.

Oon jo pitkään halunnu tehdä viikset! Vihdoin sain jotain aikaan :D Meni hetki, koska työstin sitä niiden tekstuuria. Oon suhteellisen tyytyväinen niihin mut sitten näin Ofeliassa jollain kaulassa sellaiset pienet sileät viikset enkä ookkaan enää niin varma :/ Rakastan kyl tota mun ideaa missä on viikset sekä parta yhdessä ja se saikin Ofeliassa aika hyvän määrän ihailua ja naurua :D Mutta toteutuksessa on varmaan vielä tekemistä... Tää oli kuitenkin vasta eka yritys...

Still for sale/ edelleen myytävänä

Sold/myyty

Still for sale/edelleen myytävänä

Iira being silly with my mustache xD

Iira and me at Ofelia :3





Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Clouds and berries

The next clip is a lolita fashionshow by CloudberryLady.


Find CloudberryLady here and here.
ClouberryLadyä löytyypi sitten täältä sekä täältä.

Too bad that there were only four dresses. Would've love to see more. But there was another lolita fashionshow also, so more lolitas later on. :3
Pretty dresses and love the music! <3

Harmi että asuja oli vain neljä, olisi katsellut enemmänkin. Mutta olihan siellä se toinenkin lolitanäytös jossa sitten olis lisää pukuja, josta laitan klippejä sitten myöhemmin.
Ihania pukuja ja loisto musat!<3

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

More Ofelia

Next clip from Ofelia. Fashion by Olivia Rouge:
Seuraava klippi Ofeliasta, muotia Olivia Rougen tapaan:


Olivia Rougen voi löytää täältä.
You can find more of Olivia Rouge here.

I hope youtube admins wont kill the sound from the video, cos they used Lady Gagas and Tony Bennets  The Lady is a tramp- music on the background. :/
Toivottavasti ääntä ei viedä videolta kun taustalla soi The Lady is a tramp biisi. Kattoo nyt.

Gotta love the dresses! ^__^ I wish I'd have the figure for those <3
Mekot on ihania! Olisipa mulla kroppaa tollaiseen <3

The film-maker in me

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!! I did it! I got the first clip from Ofelia Market edited and posted on Youtube! Hurrayyyy! I rule! Haha :D So here is the first, and there will be more :)

The steampunk fashionshow by Sanna von Steam;



Elikkä sain vihdoinki ekan klipin editoitua ja postattuaYoutubeen, ou jee jee! Oon ihan paras :D
Tässä on eka ja lisää tulee heti kun saan editoitua ja postattua jne. Kommenttia saa heittää jne!

Very pretty dresses, and my god I want that jacket!! :D Gorgeous.
Ihania asuja todellakin, mä niin haluan ton harmaan takin!!! :D

On Youtube I'm Trilchan / Youtubessa mut löytää nimellä Trilchan.

Find Sanna von Steam here.
Sanna von Steamin blogi. 


- Personally, I feel that finnish people don't really have the hang of steampunk yet. They kinda are going in the right direction, but I haven't really seen anything really amazing yet. It's like finnish seem to simplify everything, and most of the time I hate simplified things. I've seen only one or two individuals so far that have had some really nice steampunk gear. I hope to see more. Or make more myself ;)

- Henk.koht koen ettei suomalaiset oikein vielä oo oppinu kunnolla steampunkkia tyylinä. Et monet on menossa hyvään suuntaan, mutta parantamisen varaa on vielä. Jotenkin suomalaisten steampunk on sellaista pelkistettyä, kuten vähän muutkin tyylit tuppaa olemaan. Oon parilla tyypillä nähty aika hienoja asuja ja toivon näkeväni lisää, tai sitten tekeväni lisää ;) Eihän sitä koskaan tiedä.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Catch, booty, spoil, prey, haul... etc.

Spoils of Ofelia Market 2011.
Ofelia Marketin saaliita aion siis esitellä :3

My findings. Löydöt. <3


Feather earrings that I got for 3€. Korvikset lähti kolmella eurolla ^_^

Big cats 5€. Kisut lähti femmalla :3

Fox 17€. Kettu.

And the snow leopard that you can see in the top picture, that one I got for 10€, even tho the original price was 18€ ;) This is why I always encourage to haggle :P The fox was originally 20e and I got it for 17e. The leopard was 18e and I got it for 10e! The earrings were 5e and I got them for 3e :) The cats were so cheap that I didn't have the guts to haggle... :D But all in all, I'm very happy with my prey :3 Buah.... I just love that fox. Last year I bought a big black bird from the same makers <3 They make all kinds of awesome stuff. I just haven't found their webpage yet :(((((
      Ofelia Market was fun, tho I was hoping for more people. On Saturday it was pouring rain, so that kinda killed the mood for people and Sundays are always slower in general :/  I didn't make much money. I got the tables rent back from both days and some extra that kinda covered my cats visit to the vet last week. So kinda + - 0. Yaay.... -____- 
Photos of lolitas and my table in the next post, and links to the people I met :) 

Eli siis sitten se lumileopardi joka on ylimmässä kuvassa niin sen alkuperäinen hinta oli 18euroa mutta sain sen kympillä :D Tää on just niin se syy miksi aina kannustan ihmisiä tinkimään, niin mun pöydässä kun muutenkin. Kettu oli alunperun kakskybää, sain seittemällätoista, leopardi 18 sain 10eurolla, korvikset oli femman, sain kolmella eurolla. Toi hopeinen gepardikoru oli femman, joka oli mun mielestä enemmän kun kohtuullinen hinta hopeoidulle korulle joten siitä en enää tinkinyt sitten. Mutta olen erittäin tyytyväinen saaliiseen, sain kivoja koruja, enkä jääny kovasti tappiolle, buah. Toi kettu erityisesti on niin ihana. Ostin samoilta tekijöiltä viime vuonna sellaisen ison musta linnun, samaa sarjaa vähän niiko :D En vaan oo löytäny niitä tekijöitä netistä lainkaan :((((
    Ofeliassa oli yleisestikin kivaa, tosin aika vähän porukkaa oli. Lauantaina satoi kaatamalla joka hieman rokotti kävijöitä ja sunnuntait on yleensäkkin hiljaisempia joten minkäs teet, blah. En päässyt rikastumaan. Sain pöytien vuokran pois molemmilta päiviltä ja sitten hieman ekstraa joka sitten korvasi kissa eläinlääkäri käynnin aikasemmin viikolta. Että aika plus miinus nolla tilanne. Yay... -___-
Kuvia lolitoista sekä pöydästäni Ofeliassa seuraavassa postauksessa sekä linkkejä ihmisiin joita tapasin :) 

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Wiggidy

Oh hey btw, I got my wig from Ls-Seven finally :3 I custom ordered a wig from her almost a year ago :) It took a while cos I asked her to change few thing before it was ready. It was a really grueling wait cos I'm like the most impatient person ever xD But it did finally arrive and I took couple of pictures of it. Sorry, I know, they are very similar, but I like them both so I'm posting them both. (Remember, I took these photos, and you are not allowed to steal them, or use them anywhere!)

Mun Ls-Sevenin peruukki saapui viimein! :3 Olin tilannut sen jo aikoja sitten, siinä vaan kesti ikuisuus saapua koska jouduin pari kertaa pyytää tekemään korjauksia, koska oli hieman vaikea selittää millaisen halusin. Mutta nyt se on perillä ja otin pari kuvaa. Ja joo, noi on nyt lähes samanlaiset, mutta tykkäsin molemmista joten laitan molemmat tähän :P (Huoh; kuvat olen ottanut minä ja oikeudet kuuluu mulle, joten  näpit irti!)
Ls Seven dread wig



If you are wondering who Ls Seven is or where to find her, I suggest that you google her. You'll get results on her own facebook page and you can find her on the hair extension forum. (.com)

I'm going to wear this wig at least to Ofelia Market, that's taking place here in Finland on the 10th and 11th of December. It's a kind of a fleamarket happening, but people are also selling jewelry and clothing they made themselves. They usually have a theme, last year it was fairytale, this year it's steampunk <3 You can find people selling lolita, goth, rockabilly, retro/vintage jne stuff there. I was there last year as well, it was fun :)
Aion pistää peruukin mm. Ofelia Markettiin joka on Gloriassa 10.-11. joulukuuta. Sain sinne myyntipöydän.
Ofeliasta saat lisää tietoa ihan vaikka googlettamalla sen, facest löytyy infoo ja niillä on oma blogigin. Ofelia Market Siellä myydään mm. lolita, rock'n'roll, vintage, gootti, burleski aiheisia koruja, asusteita ja vaatteita, niin kirpputorityyliin kuin myös ihan käsintehtyjä. Sinne tekee mieli aina käyttää koko omaisuus x)

This year I'm also expecting to see my friend Iira there as well ^^ I think she's going to take part in the lolita-fashionshow that they are having. I can't wait to see her!
Here's her blog, if you wanna check her out; Iira She is such a smart ,beautiful, and talented woman, and I'm glad I can call her a friend <3
Tänä vuonna odotan erityisesti Ofeliaa koska tiedän Iiran tulevan sinne. Ottaa itseasiassa varmaa osaa myös lolita muotinäytökseen joka siellä järjestetään :) Iira on henkilökohtainen ystävä, sekä ihailuni kohde ^^'  Khihi...
Me and Iira at a shopping mall 

Got sick of the numbers...

I have another reader?!?! *massive gasp* Welcome welcome welcome!!! <3 I' so glad that just maybe, juuuust maybe someone is reading this ^_^ Totally made my day! Thank you!

   And I really need some cheering up. I just had another gallstone-pain attack. -___-  The night before yesterday, at 11pm, the pain started and it started to escalate really fast, like scaringly fast. So I called the ambulance. Got some painkillers, helped for a minute and then the pain started again. So they drove me to the hospital, pain went a away for a moment and I was ready to go home, but while waiting for the doctor it came back AGAIN. So then a trip to another hospital and more painkillers, an ultrasound and some shuteye... By morning the pain was gone. So I got to go home. They were thinking about putting me to surgery, but there's really no point if I'm supposed to go to a surgery on Tuesday anyway! So home, some rest and in few days the surgery finally, and hopefully I don't have to be afraid of these pain attacks anymore. I'm getting so sick of these... They take so much out of me. I was so exhausted yesterday. I already had had a really emotional day and then the pain right after that, god... So so so tired!! I just basically cried the whole day yesterday. -_- Just being so exhausted and sad.

But now I think we should move to happier subjects, don't you think? :D
I decided that right now, I feel so miserable, I have a million shitty things to take care of, I'm so exhausted, I'm getting massively depressed, that I need something to cheer me up, and I'm not going to wait until christmas! So I want my camera now!!! My boyfriend is trying find out that where we could get the camera, where we could pay in parts. Cos we really don't have any money right now... But I need that camera. I want it and I need it.
   I've been hearing good things about the Canon EOS 600D, and that's the one I'm getting. Probably next week. It's going to be kind of a "get well soon"-camera, cos I'm having the surgery on Tuesday... I need something positive to concentrate after the surgery.
    I've wanted a proper camera for a looooooong time, and I love taking pictures. I just feel that a normal camera isn't enough anymore.
   I'd really love to have like photoshoots with people and everything... And I really want to take proper pictures of my animals, specially the dogs when we're out side, cos its really hard with a small camera cos they move wayyy too fast and the cameras focus just cannot keep up. But hopefully after next week, THAT wont be a problem anymore ^__^

  And another thing that I want, is ball jointed doll. To be exact, a Soul Doll. I've had my eye on them for a long time and a friend of mine has one, and is about to get another, and I'm so jealous! :D But I'm going to have wait until next year, cos there is no part payments available for them unfortunately....
But my god I really want Morse and Sharics... So badly. Morse was the first one that peaked my interest, and after that, Sharics. And I don't want anyone else. Just these two.
Sharics
Morse

Tho the funny thing is, these are male dolls, and I want them with female bodies. And that seems to be a lot harder to do that you might think... Eighter I have to come up with a shit load of money or manage a split order with people... We'll see. I just pray and hope that they wont stop selling them before I get the money... 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Holy crap on a cracker...

I said I'd share, so I'll share. Now I'm really going to share.

I haven't been writing because;

1. I've had gallstone pain, and let me tell ya, it's a BIATCH!
2. My dad died. It's kinda killing me.
3. Because my dad died, I fainted few days after the funeral, hit my head and had a concussion. And I might have some heart-issues...

I mean, I really do want to write this blog. I want to have more than one reader, even tho I love that one dearly <3 I want to share my art and thoughts and maybe, just maybe, make people think or at least be entertained :)

Gallstones
But it has really been a hard autumn. I was already really really tired because of the gallstones. The pains started to bother me at the same time that I started to lose weight. After the first hospital trip, I read that with obeisity, losing weight can trigger the pain. The stones were probably there already, but the weight loss triggered the massive pain. First it started as this weird pain right after eating, when ever I ate too much or really really greasy food. And I thought that my stomach was just hurting cos I ate so badly. And it was kinda true, except I didn't realize that the pain wasn't in my stomach, it came from my gallbladder. Its basically in the same place and height in the body so, the mistake was easy to make. But the pain always went away... So I didn't really think it was anything serious. Then it started to wake me early in the morning, like somewhere around 2 and 4am. But again, it went away for the first couple of times. After that came the first early morning when I woke to the pain, and it really didn't want to go away. I started to get nauseated, and I hate throwing up. I HATE IT. I will do almost anything else than throw up. And I just kept telling myself; "You do NOT need to throw up... You do not need to do it. You are going to get through this. It is just a feeling that will pass...". But then the pain got worse. And it just kept going and going. I went to the bathroom, didn't help. I drank some milk, didn't help. I started to get really desperate. It hurt soooo bad. So I thought that what if it stops hurting if I let the vomit come. I reaaaaally didn't want to but usually if you have some sort of infection in your stomach, throwing up usually makes you feel better cos the harmful stuff comes out. So it let it come... And IT DIDN'T HELP! Then I just started crying and woke up my mom by calling her cell. She said I should call a nurse and ask whats going on. The nurse couldn't say anything... And the pain was killing me. So I woke up my hobby and said that we need to go to the emergency room right now. And so we did. He drove me to the er, they took some blood and sent me to another hospital, then some ultrasounds and more blood etc etc... At that point the sun had already come up and thank god, the pain started to ease on me. We had to wait hours and hours to anyone even remember that I was there... But finally they came to tell me that I have gallstones and thats PROBABLY what caused the pain... Probably?... PROBABLY?! YOU THINK!?!? Pissed me off a little...
    So, then we go home. With no more information. They just said they can't do anything about it unless my gallbladder gets infected and I start having a fever. The funny thing was that I had been in fever for the past two days before the pain. And they just said that if it happens again, I just need to come back. That's all.
   About a week or two later, the pain again. Except, worse. Much much worse. I thought it couldn't be worse, but oh how wroooooong I was. It came faster, woke me up again. Started to get really bad really fast. And I knew that now we need to move and FAST! We got in the car and drove. And I was sure I was going to die... My god, seriously, it just got worse and wors..er? I can't think of enough words to describe it. I was crying and moaning and I just felt that I couldn't take it anymore. And I've read that when it comes to gallstone pain, breathing deep can make the pain worse, but now, it was so bad what I had to start hyperventilating. It was the only thing keeping me alive. Cos while hyperventilating I got just a little lightheaded, and that helped me make it to the hospital.
Gallstone surgery
   The receptionist said to me; "Easy, you need to breath more slowly and calmly...", I just cried to her; "I FUCKING CANT!! THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH!!!". She just rolled her eyes at me! That bitch. But they put me in a wheel chair and took me to a bed, I was crying. The doctor came and gave me a pain medication, finally! And the pain stopped.... Finally. Tho that really made me lightheaded. I mean wow x) I didn't really like that feeling, but I was soooooo relieved that the pain was finally gone. Then the same tests as last time, some idiot ramming an ultrasound-thing to my ribs and some more blood and bla bla bla. Some more medication and bla bla. And now I'm in line to go into a surgery. And thats that. Now I'm just waiting for my surgery...
  There are other things that I need consider what it comes to my health right now, but I will fill those in later, like the concussion that I had and the possible heart problems etc etc. But this is what happened with the gallstones.
   I am glad tho that I know now what kind of food triggers the pain and I'm avoiding those as much as I can. No more eating really heavy food before bedtime etc. I mean I need to avoid these anyway, cos I'm trying to lose weight. And I have. I have lost weight, so yay for me :) But I need to continue. Its only faction from the amount of weight that I need to lose.
  Ok, I will end this post here, cos people might have trouble keeping any interest up, me just be blabbering about boring stuff xD So that's it about my gallstones :D Interesting as hell, I know :D

Later more about my dad and about my concussion.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Rambling 08 Artsy fatrsy

I think this is a good moment to share my hobby with you :)
I do crafts, (and draw too). I really love to create with my own hands and I actually start to get depressed if I haven't gotten a change to do anything in several days. It's a weekly thing, once or twice a week (or more if I have the chance) I wanna sit down and create something and express myself. I use fimo, which is like clay but doesn't dry that fast and is easier to handle. For whipcream stuff I use silicone. I make jewelry and miniature food for BJD's (ball jointed dolls), and commission what people ask me to do :)

Here are some:
Heart made out of silicone, so its flexible. I love this, its so pretty... 

Cookies. One of these went as a present for my good friend.

Cake meant for BJDolls.

Cute toffee earrings.

Chocolaty earrings, I'm quite fond of these, and very very satisfied on how they look.

Another cake for BJDolls.

This cake is meant for BJDolls. 

Piece of cake, these are fun to make, cos you can decorate every piece differently.This on is a phone strap.

I like to decorate stuff with whipcream and other stuff. Here is one of my decoden-mirrors.


Fake gauge earrings. I had been thinking these for a while and when I saw one in my friends ear, I thought that  "I could do that..."  and I did, haha :D 
More fake gauges.
Wing and rose earrings. I used a mold with these, but these were still quite challenging to make.


I will share more later on. Comments are welcome!!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Rambling 07 Bits and pieces

22nd of August 2011, at 10:30;
Angry Birds Rio updated more levels!! Yaaaaay!! I have no life!! Hurray!!!



20th of August 2011, at 14:22;
I pay a lot of attemtion to smells... I mean a lot. They wouldn't be so important if I didn't have such an emotional bond to surtain smells. Like right now, at the store, there were couple of smells that reminded me of my grandpa and my dad. First I smelled this old-person smell, just like my grandpa used to smell like, and right after that some man was wearing the same aftershave that my dad used to wear when I was a kid. They take me back to my past, specially to a place and time when I didn't know about the things that actually were wrong in my life.. Ahh the ignorant bliss of a child's mind. I want it back!!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Rambling 06 Britain calling

The "best" picture I got from the Big Ben
We are going to LONDON, baby!! *massive happy squee*  I still fear that we'll cancel the trip, cos for years we've made plans to do something and then it just didn't happen... Or something will go wrong OR we wont have enough money to do anything fun...
    I haven't been abroad in over 6-7 years! Tho when I was, it was in London. (I'm going to attach to this post some old photos from the last time we were in London.)But it was not a good trip. Really wasn't, I was somewhat dissapointed. First of all, just two days before we were supposed to fly, there was the London bomb-terrorist attack, so when we arrived, most of the subways/tubes were down. So moving was really difficult, slow and painfull. There was a massive heatwave, so there was like 40C which is like 104 degrees of heat... It was horrible. Specially when travelling in a bus for an hour just to get to the center of London, in a bus that didn't have any sort of airconditioning... Horrible. And to add to that, travelling with a person who doesn't really want to spend any money, buy anything, or go anywhere(fun). Me and my mom are very very different kind of travellers. She  is fine by just being there, taking a few pictures and seeing a couple of sights etc and thats it. Me, I want to buy everything! I want to go see everything!! And I want to take like a million pictures of everything!!So I was quite bored most of the time. We did tho see the London Aquarium, and couple of museums, and they were VERY nice. I want to definitely go again! But that was it.
The back of my head, by my mom :D
   This time I want the trip to be different. I want to buy tickets to places in advance, I want to plan our days etc etc. I want to go shopping, sight-seeing, the whole shebang!
      We already booked a hotel, and its right on the other side of the building where our previous hotel is, so the area is familiar to us already and we know where we are going. Except the hotel is MUCH nicer! The hotel we were in, the New Dawn hotel, was SOOOO friggin' crappy!! The room was so fucking small, the beds ware hard, and the "bathroom" was very small and hard to use. No airconditioning so with the heatwave it was like a sauna. And right under our window, almost every night there were other tourists drinking and making noise all through the night... The hotel staff was very unpleasant, and unhelpfull. I would not recommend that hotel to anyone! Specially cos the same area has like a 100 hotels inside a 500meters. New Dawn my ass....
    Now we're going to Royal Hyde Park, and I can't wait. Its not a luxury hotel, but its very nice, free internet, airconditioning, afordable etc. It just felt right. Now we need to find cheap flights... Its my this weeks asignement, hah.
Some awesome dinos in the natural history museum (if my memory serves me right)
My ever so awesome legs! And the most comfy sandals I've ever owned.
Pretty sculpture
The not so pretty (and 30 kilos lighter) me... Mom didn't get the whole whale that's behind me in the picture, like I wanted *snif*
Some ruins
Some weird random teletubbie
My favourite picture from the trip, too bad it's so small

The closest I got to the London eye
 

Monday, August 1, 2011

Side note 02 EmAiL

Made myself a gmail-account finally. Justjackich@gmail.com
Feel free to mail me :D No spam tho, thanks x3

- Jackich

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Rambling 05 I don't feel like it....

Oh I so fucking hate this summer! I have a ton of things that I want to get out of my system, but this hotness is killing me! I just don't seem to have enough concentration to sit down and write. Plus I think I've managed to get myself into this type of state of mind that I hate... That type of state of mind where I only do things when I FEEL like it, or I cannot manage to do things UNLESSS I FEEL like it... That’s a very selfish way of thinking and I used to have a friend who drove me crazy with it. He always did things IF he felt like it. Everything always went like he wanted them to. Oh, I mean how he FELT that they should go. We always did what he felt like doing. And then there’s the fact that he never got anywhere with his life because he never learned how to control his attitude towards life and he let himself get very depressed and EVERYTHING gave him anxiety!! Everything!! That’s why he couldn't finish even basic school, he couldn't get/keep a job etc etc. He will probably live with the support of social services his entire life! Just because he didn't feel like studying, he felt bad, he felt anxious about it.... And that is not what I want. I have goals and dreams about life, and I'm GOING to make them happen! So I need to get out of this... this... thing! I want to write when I have a good moment for it, not when I FEEL like it. Right now it’s really hard for me to catch the thought I have had earlier and put it in writing, but I bet that I can practice it. It’s a skill. And I want to master it. Not only to manage my own time better, but I really really really need it for studying! I'm going to continue taking courses at the open university this fall, and I really need to be able to start writing when needed. I need to be able to catch my train of thought every night so I can study and write and to the tasks they give us. And I REALLY need to work on my concentration. I have a huge problem in remembering what I've just read. Even when I read this text after I wrote it, I had trouble in remembering what was in it, and I have trouble concentrating to the text. You know the thing when you start to read a sentence and you forget what you were reading in the middle of the sentence and the you have to start over... Several times... Cos you can't concentrate. I've been having that problem for several years.
   Plus I've also had anxiety about studying for years. The reason being my troubles in concetrating etc. I haven't been able to pass courses and if you don't pass courses, you won't graduate! If I don't graduate ever, I don't get a good enough job that will pay for my dreams! So I need to get my act together. And I mean, I like studying! I love to learn new stuff and I have genuine interest in psychology and other subjects! I got really good grades in high school specially in the psychology classes, and I didn't even study! Aaaand right now, that is biting me in the ass. I was smart in high school, but now when studying at a university level, I'm an idiot! I don't know shit! So no more smart comments and being the teachers favourite etc...And that's one of the things that is giving me anxiety, I'm so afraid to say anything in class cos it might sound stupid, or I haven't actually understood what was the topic of discussion.
     Later on I found out that our high school was actually very very crappy and it gave me a very bad base knowledge in some subjects, and of course cos I didn't study as hard as I did in previous years. So know I need to work like a million times harder than I thought I'd have to. So yay...
     But you know, it's all about your attitude. And you can make decision on what kind of stand are you going to take. It's a decision. You need to make a conscious decision. What is your attitude towards studying? I've had a very crappy attitude for a long time, and now I'm consciously making an effort to change it. Every time I get anxiety when thinking about studying and school, I start exploring all the different kind of attitude possibilities that would help me to view it without the anxiety. I need to find the attitude that is positive and helps me go forward instead of holding me back. Like; yes, I've fucked up many courses already and wasted time, but it's not too late to start over and fix it. It's not too late to keep going. And you can't get stuck on the things you've fucked up. Everybody fucks up at some point, and people keep fucking up all through life. It's a life long learining experience. So you can't stay on the thought that you've made a mistake. Not even when you're like 30 or 40 or 50. It's not too late to start doing things differently. If you stay stuck in the mistake you did, you will miss all the other good things that are still going to happen to you in your life.

Well that’s that... Then I'm going to make a post about a LOT of random things :) 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Rambling 04 It's not who you are mister Sumpter...

Jeremy Sumpter

So my latest infatuation, Jeremy, is totally just taking over my mind in all of it's capacity... I was watching clips of him on youtube. First I watched his tv-movie, Cyber Seduction: His secret life. First of all, it kinda sucked. It had a good message, but it really could've been done better. Much better. It could've been made into a proper movie, and really make people think, make the story deeper, make the message of the movie deeper and stronger... Buuuuut no. It's a shame cos I know Sumpter could've really done a better job with the part. At least I hope. But man did I enjoy the scenes where we get to see him kissing a girl... Grrrhhh. Haha. 
   Tho I was just little bit put off by how he grabbed the girls boob at one point, later in the film. That is NOT how you fondle/grab/caress/what-ever a girls/womans tits! My god, no no no. But I guess it's fine when he is, indeed, a teenager in the film. So thats that. Funny how this is a thing from the movie I obviously want you guys to remember, hahah. 
   Aaaanyway, film sucked, and I didn't really like how they portrayed porn/watching porn in the film. Tho I gotta remember that this was made on 2005, the computers were a lot more low-tech, and adults really didn't understand what was going on in the internet. I think it's way more open these days, and waaayyy more easy to get porn if you want to. I just really get pissed off if I see these close-minded adults/parents who think ALL porn is bad, and you shouldn't watch it EVER. Or the kind of parents who really think that they could actually prevent from their children seeing anything like it ever in their lives. Specially cos not only do kids watch porn, adults watch it also, many families actually have a problem not cos of the kids, but cos of a parent.
  But enough about that. I was watching other clips about Jeremy after that, and I got a REALLY good reminder about the fact why I don't really fall in love with the actor, I fall in love with the character and to the person I want them to be. I fall in love to a picture, that is colored by my imagination. I really don't want to know what kind of a person he is, what he likes and doesn't like. Cos I form an image of his personality very fast in my head, and I know, that it's not even close to the real Jeremy. I don't want to know if he's dating, or if he's an asshole, or that he's a fucking saint, I just don't want to know! I want to hold on to the mental picture I have of him and thats it. But I did make the error of watching footage of him being just himself, damn that was stupid of me. I watched half of this clip: Jeremy - youtube, and I just had to stop. My god, the bad humor, and that stupid silly bitch next to him, aaargh! No no, that is not what I want him to be. So I looked for some more, trying to hold on to the romantic mental image that I still have. And I found this: Yummy Jeremy, and oh my god, yum!! 
  The reason why I really really really am enjoying watching him is because his has this natural charisma, and he just seems to be born to be a romantic. There are only few that I know, who really just make me melt just by looking at a girl in a certain way. He just has it in him to connect romantically. I saw it already in Peter Pan, even tho he was just a little kid! But the way he looked at Wendy in the movie, or peaked behind her shoulder and whispered into her ear, hurrrrr ggrrrrrhhhaaah......! 
  I usually don't go for the pretty-boy-look, but with him I gotta make an exception. I just wish that I'd see him in better and bigger roles. Somewhere where he could just really let lose, and become something big.  
  I took some screencaps from the video... Oh and the thing that I have with men and black shirts! Oh dear... I've had some sort of a fetish with black shirts for as long as I can remember. Black shirt just makes a man look so yummy! I don't know why, and it doesn't work on EVERY guy, but most, definitely most. Him included! Grrrh! 
  He just has that thing, that is very hard, or even impossible to describe by words. That silent confidence, strong charisma and ability to just force his way to your soul just by looking at you! Mmm... 
  It's a shame tho, that I don't think that his own personality would be something I'd enjoy. But on the other hand, it would be massive torture to know, that there is indeed a perfect man, across the ocean, dating these hot hollywood women, and wouldn't even look twice in my way. Aaaaand on some other hand, the man isn't perfect if he woudn't look twice my way. I might not be the perfect girl, and I'm not a model of your dreams, but I do deserve another look from a guy. And that is something more women and girls should realize. If a guy, even if the man of your dreams, doesn't pay attention to you, even after several tries, then he isn't the man you thought he would be! Cos why on earth would you want to be with a man who doesn't give a crap wether you're alive or not! Do you really have so little of self-respect? Really!? Do you really think that little of yourself, that even when a guy is ignoring you and/or being rude or what ever, he is still the dreamiest guy on earth? Really?! This is something that I've never really understood. 
   And then there's the issue of falling in love with a guy, and falling in love with the guy you thought/wanted him to be. Most girls/women can't tell those two apart, who he really is and who you want/imagine him to be. (Men do the same, probably even more when it comes to beautiful women). You CANNOT fall in love with a person that you don't know! Thats a fact. But what you can do, is to create a personality to that person in your head and fall in love with that. As I said earlier in this post, I usually fall in love with the picture that is colored by my imagination. This is what I meant by that.
   It's such shame that most good looking men are mostly idiots. They are arrogant, cocky, stupid, and all that crap. I just would be so nice to find a man who really can make you laugh in the right way, likes the same things as you do, and would be the kind of attractive that you find attractive (cos there is a lot of different kinds of attractiveness!). Oh wait, haha, silly me, I have found that! And I've been with him for the last four and a half years.